Will it ever stop what I find myself thinking?
I am always trying to keep a good attitude about everything in life! I guess it is a survival mode I learned early in life.
From my family being torn apart early in life I had to learn to satisfy my needs and feed on my own.
My father was a good man though he knew nothing about raising kids much less being a caring father figure. It took a toll on us kids in ways that should have never happened.
It seems that he didn’t know much about love. At times it seemed like he was proud of being the third man to get custody of his kids in the state than learning and showing love.
I learned more about him in his later years than at any other time growing up. Maybe some of it was my fault as well.
When I found out that my parents were divorcing I had the plan to keep my family together I thought. I figured that if I wanted to live with my father it stop the madness that was trusted into my childhood.
Was I ever wrong about that? It caused very much negative vibes and behaviour at a time I needed positive vibes in all ways. It would shape my life in so many ways that I am not so proud of.
Though I always tried to respect everyone that I crossed paths with in the way I would like to be treated also. It taught me so much at a time when I was running wide open trying to destroy myself.
Now I am older and look back I truly believe that I didn’t do badly under the circumstances that I was dealt. I find myself learning about people every day and the times sure have changed in so many ways.
It is just not as friendly of a world as it once was. When are autistic granddaughter came into our life I looked at life through a different lens.
I am now thankful for the training I had as a medic in the army. It taught me to be a better person and taught me empathy for life. It was a very ugly time in that part of my life and seemed to make me hard or better yet a very angry person which stole so much from my life.
As everyone has a story and the ending is the best part. So make good of all you do and try and feel good about yourself!!!