No know knows how much damage it does to children when the parents decide to go their separate ways.
But the damage that has been done can cause the children to become unstable and withdrawn. There may be a sudden change in their demeanor and interest in their school work.
Also, some of the kids may become less emotional and sensitive to frustration. What you need to be aware of is the effect this may have on your child’s relationship with you.
If this is not a concern for you then the divorce will not change your child’
s personality. But if it does you must guard against any effect this may have on his or her relationship with you.
To help you understand the effects this divorce may have on your child you must look at the underlying cause of their behavior and emotional distress.
The question is not whether it was the divorce but why he chose to split from you in the first place. You might be able to answer this question.
If you are able to offer a possible answer you will be able to help your child. If you do not have an answer then it is possible he has simply been bored or neglected in your presence.
They may have come to you for reassurance that they are loved.
Before getting into an adversarial mode with your ex you should sit down and talk about the impact of their behavior on them.
If they are able to discuss their behavior with you they are capable of understanding the problem.
This is not the time to point out their bad behavior. You should talk about how they are wrong about the nature of the problem.
If they are not able to share a similar understanding then you need to do a little research to get them on board.
If the problem is not easily understandable then it will take a bit more time to solve.
If they refuse to talk about their behavior or he says it was just a mistake and he will change, then this is a time to sit down with him and have a dialogue.
This is probably not an easy conversation but it is an important one. You need to make it clear that this behavior is not acceptable. You need to make it clear that your child needs to be with you during this time.
Remember that if your child is upset by their behavior this will affect their school work and may affect his or her sports participation.
If your child is not participating in their sports or their school work this will affect their grades and he may not be able to get into his next degree program.
Your child is looking at the outcome of school, extracurricular activities, and their social life. This is very important to all.
When your child is in an adversarial mode this is a time to sit down with them and try to resolve the problem. As a parent, you should stand up for your child and make it clear that you expect this behavior to stop and you want your child to be accepted and part of your life.
You should make it clear that if he changes his behavior this should happen automatically and this may be uncomfortable for you, but you need to be reasonable and have an understanding that this is part of the divorce to be able to resolve this.
Accepting The Divorce
When your child is accepting of the divorce this is a time to sit down with them and just listen. Allow him to express their feelings without getting defensive and direct.
You will have to take baby steps and talk in a calm and respectful way, but eventually, they will begin to ask you for concessions. Don’t say no, but say yes when he asks when you feel it is right.
As an aside, you need to make sure you do not push your child into accepting the divorce. Children do not know what is happening in the divorce, so they are not giving you information about the divorce and they are probably not considering the options and pros and cons of the divorce.
Children are not going to think about getting money or going to another school, they are thinking about getting their parent’s love.
They are going through a very stressful and complicated time and you are going to upset them if you try to use the divorce to get more love and acceptance. You need to be honest with them and also yourself.
Be mindful that your child will be upset, so you must not make it easy for him to be upset. Divorce will not be an easy thing for them to deal with.
Keep your child out of your business, but keep him engaged and part of the decision-making process.
The divorce is an adversarial situation between the parents, so at certain points express this, it is your job to make sure that your child stays on the other side of the table.