Your Divorce From Harming Children

children with divorced parents
love for children

How to Stop Your Divorce From Harming Children

No know knows how much damage it does to children when the parents decide to go their separate ways.
But the damage that has been done can cause the children to become unstable and withdrawn. There may be a sudden change in their demeanor and interest in their school work.
Also, some of the kids may become less emotional and sensitive to frustration. What you need to be aware of is the effect this may have on your child’s relationship with you.
If this is not a concern for you then the divorce will not change your child’s personality. But if it does you must guard against any effect this may have on his or her relationship with you.

To help you understand the effects this divorce may have on your child you must look at the underlying cause of their behavior and emotional distress.

The question is not whether it was the divorce but why he chose to split from you in the first place. You might be able to answer this question.
If you are able to offer a possible answer you will be able to help your child. If you do not have an answer then it is possible he has simply been bored or neglected in your presence.

They may have come to you for reassurance that they are loved.

Before getting into an adversarial mode with your ex you should sit down and talk about the impact of their behavior on them.

If they are able to discuss their behavior with you they are capable of understanding the problem.
This is not the time to point out their bad behavior. You should talk about how they are wrong about the nature of the problem.
If they are not able to share a similar understanding then you need to do a little research to get them on board.

If the problem is not easily understandable then it will take a bit more time to solve.

If they refuse to talk about their behavior or he says it was just a mistake and he will change, then this is a time to sit down with him and have a dialogue.
This is probably not an easy conversation but it is an important one. You need to make it clear that this behavior is not acceptable. You need to make it clear that your child needs to be with you during this time.

Being Upset

Remember that if your child is upset by their behavior this will affect their school work and may affect his or her sports participation.

If your child is not participating in their sports or their school work this will affect their grades and he may not be able to get into his next degree program.
Your child is looking at the outcome of school, extracurricular activities, and their social life. This is very important to all.

When your child is in an adversarial mode this is a time to sit down with them and try to resolve the problem. As a parent, you should stand up for your child and make it clear that you expect this behavior to stop and you want your child to be accepted and part of your life.

You should make it clear that if he changes his behavior this should happen automatically and this may be uncomfortable for you, but you need to be reasonable and have an understanding that this is part of the divorce to be able to resolve this.

Accepting The  Divorce

When your child is accepting of the divorce this is a time to sit down with them and just listen. Allow him to express their feelings without getting defensive and direct.
You will have to take baby steps and talk in a calm and respectful way, but eventually, they will begin to ask you for concessions. Don’t say no, but say yes when he asks when you feel it is right.

As an aside, you need to make sure you do not push your child into accepting the divorce. Children do not know what is happening in the divorce, so they are not giving you information about the divorce and they are probably not considering the options and pros and cons of the divorce.

Children are not going to think about getting money or going to another school, they are thinking about getting their parent’s love.
They are going through a very stressful and complicated time and you are going to upset them if you try to use the divorce to get more love and acceptance. You need to be honest with them and also yourself.

Be mindful that your child will be upset, so you must not make it easy for him to be upset. Divorce will not be an easy thing for them to deal with.

Keep your child out of your business, but keep him engaged and part of the decision-making process.

The divorce is an adversarial situation between the parents, so at certain points express this, it is your job to make sure that your child stays on the other side of the table.

No Matter What

This is one of those points where you might find your child is still holding onto the other parent, but now it is a sibling thing rather than a parent thing. You may need to help your child break this spell.

Most of the time this does not mean that you have to push your child into the love corner, it means that you have to let him know that you both love them and that he is not a possession.

You must also make sure that you can get your child to have a good relationship with the other parent so that they are not feeling responsible for the divorce.

You might find that it is a bit of a challenge to give your child the love of your life that they deserve, but try to show them you will support them no matter what.

 It does not matter if this is not what you wanted to happen, all that matters is that your child feels he can talk to you and you are able to give them your unconditional love.
Remember you are doing all you can to protect your child from this divorce fallout, so be there for your child as much as possible.

Effects Of The Divorce

The last thing that you need to know about how to affect your child with this divorce is that you must be a good listener. Your child is going through a very emotional time and you must listen to them.

You should also learn to let your child know that they are not responsible for what you do, they are not the parent. Remember the love you have for your child is huge, so make sure that you show them your support no matter what happens.
Remember to love them so they can feel good for them selfs!!!

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